My take on parenting

I have always been a sun-shine person....everyone who knows me knows that.(yeah yeah ...there are cloudy moments too...) But all along I am a happy person,  incapable of sulking for long and even as a kid I loved pups and babies. I took good care of my pups...loving them to pieces.So my less-evovled self came up with this theory: "If I can be so good with puppies and if every kid likes me, I would make a super-cool mom... fun and firm , one that my kid(s) would adore".

Years roll by and a little torando sweeps up all the trashy theories out of my life ....including the one above. My little girl , she ever so bluntly brushes away all signs of my intellectual capacities.

Long time ago I believed children are like clay and that the responsibility of moulding them lies with parents.Now I have come to believe that parents ought to be more of facilitators than doers.Kids...they have it all in them.

Everyday I ve a lot to unlearn ...out-dated thoughts to eliminate, realities of parenthood to accept and most of all embrace...willingly or otherwise... the changes she brings in me.She literally is shaping the mommy in me. Everyday I think hard ( google if required) to give her appropriate responses, to dissipate power-struggles and to entertain her satisfyingly.Never knew contemplating can be this exhausting ( that I feel my brain weary and parched).

Some days are tougher than the others...but with a glimpse of her sweet slumber everything makes sense. Parenting is the toughest thing ever...

Some thoughts and after-thoughts

Past few weeks have been pretty hectic for me.I donot remember my long-gone IT day-job being this demanding!! Being at home presents me with so many opportunities... to improve our home,to gladden the LO, to fill the void of my intellectual time-off and to do the things that can be brushed aside as "outcome-less"( if there is such a word..I am too lazy to look-up :)

I have been breeding desperation and anxiety ...for very many reasons.I really have to think it through.My desperation and anxiety are not going to take me anywhere.I have to calm down, write down the possibilities that can be worked-out and take action.What I need is a LIST!!!!I am so much in control when there is a list to go by.Do you feel the same? Does a list make you feel "clear-in-the-head"?

Well , I gotto go now...oh about the after-thoughts,looks like they will have to wait!!!!

On people

I am not my strong, happy self...now.

Just as I am trying to pick my pieces together,I wanted to share this:

There are 2 ways to break a person..intentionally or otherwise:

1) Make life tough by direct expression and make their motive obvious to you.

2) Be with you , pamper you , splurge you with their service and soothing attitude, do everything for you and make you an invalid - like become your crutches, make you dependant and then withdraw.Then, you crumble and fall.

When you really love someone , give them wings or make winds if you can.If not , it is certainly possible to trust them , stand back , say a prayer and watch them soar. If they fumble ...dont get anxious...it is OK.They are only becoming stronger.Dont nestle them up...you could be draining their drive.

When you hold the spirit too close... you might actually crush it.

As for me , it is just a matter of time and thought. I will bounce back to my spirited self. Until then , notes of positivity will surely help :)

Habits die hard

It irks me to know that after years of toil ...I continue to be the person I ve always been...the same bloody wanna-do-it-all , confused, mushy, scared existence.

Yeah...one thing has changed -I am struggling with spelling words here ...owe it to my literary dormancy.

Oh yeah ...another thing has changed as well - my ability to appreciate good things in life.It is majorly dysfunctional.Birthdays no longer excite me.Making a phone-call is perceived as pain.I dont even remember what would make me happy?!!!!No...I am not sad ...just plain bland..unperturbed by happiness.

Quite contradictory to what I said about being unperturbed...I wonder if my long-last friends would remember me.My present is a feeler of what it is to be dead...wiped from the memory of all who knew me.

One moment I wonder ,"What kinda person walks away from a dear soul so much to oblivion?!!" ...and then I realise that I have done just the same.Sometimes we choose not to interfere.Sometimes the choice chooses us.Either way the feeling of missing remains.Quite over-powering at times.

I donot look to elaborate reminiscence but to brief greetings ...may be a "I m fine" , " I am doing this...whatz with you?" kinda interactions.May be I m being silly...why do I even need those empty conversations.May be for ol' times sake?!!!

Point to self: "Please grow up."

Yet another new beginning

A quick back-ward glance on the year that went by :
*Quite a few relocations ... Chennai to KL, KL to PJ, PJ to Chennai and finally to our current pit-stop SIN.Being on the move is something I would always dunk into.So, no frown for that one.
*No major pain-points - for which I am humbly thankful.
*No major pinnacles - which requires serious introspection and action.

Well...thatz that.

For the first ever time, as long as I can remember , I slept through as the clock struck 12 on New year's day.

Am I becoming more grounded as a person or am I getting sucked up into mid-life crisis? Somethings are best un-analysed :)

Given yet another opportunity to begin..I ve some resolutions revived...to be more fit , to read a little more,to acquire new skills, to practice more patience and to be more loving and understanding.

Last year I put my career in the back-burner...well, then I turned it off as well. I do remember how I loved going to work not a long while ago.

Now that I have the choice to make a new beginning - I am looking out for work that would be refreshingly new, with lots of people-interaction and something I would look forward to everyday.

Hoping that the year ahead would be a year of prosperity, success, good-health and peace.

Wish you all a great year ahead!!!

Little explorer - part 1

My days are so filled with my LO that I can hardly think beyond her.

I m spending a lot of time engaging her and getting to learn soo much from her.

A few days ago my little explorer made a ingenious discovery ...that Ovals look like 'O':) She insisted that I record the place where she drew the inference from ...she wanted that photographed:)

Honestly..having come this far in life ..it has never hit me anytime that ovals come off 'O'!!!

It amazes me how those little brains think. As LO is getting bigger I m becoming all the more anxious.I donot want to intrude and mess up the ingenuity and curiousity that all kids come with.I totally am starting to believe that non-interference in their thought- process is the best thing to do for them.

And here goes the pic:

Yeah I know I did a lousy job with the clicking.But hey, with my subject on the run, thatz the only shot i could get.

well thatz it for now.

A day to remember

10 November 2011.

I want to remember this day ...for the many things I learnt ...but one reason tops it all.I want to remember it for the moment I had with my ailing grandma.

Sickness and grief teaches us more things than well-being and happiness can.More than teaching , it helps us clear the clutter , re-prioritise, understand and 'realise'.

I want to remember the realisations that I had today, the way my grandma made me feel.I was there to offer her comfort and she was the one comforting me and showering warmth.With her inner strength and abundant love, all things make sense.

I am just so glad I was with her at the hospital today.If not , it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.